PART I
| 1 | ELEANOR: “You, Eleanor Shellstrop, are dead, and you’re in the Good Place,” I had no reason to think that was a mistake. |
| 2 | MICHAEL: No, Janet, this is actually a cactus. This might take a while. |
| 3 | MICHAEL: Question number one: Did you ever commit a serious crime, such as murder, sexual harassment, arson, or otherwise? |
| 4 | MICHAEL: And unless I can figure out a compelling reason to keep you here, you will spend eternity with murderers, and arsonists. |
| 5 | ELEANOR: Well, I say we call it a day. I mean, I nailed the questionnaire, and you’re swimming in cacti.* |
| 6 | ELEANOR: Can’t we just chalk this up to a hilarious mistake and move on? |
| 7 | TAHANI: As far as I’m concerned, the sooner she’s gone, the better off we’ll all be.* |
| 8 | MICHAEL: I need to understand every facet of this disaster. Tell me a lie about yourself. |
| 9 | MICHAEL: But Eleanor, in the Good Place, there’s no room for bad people or bad actions, so anyone involved in the murder of Janet will be reviewed and judged. |
PART II
| 1 | Eleanor: Then he’ll figure out that Jianyu’s also a PHONY, and, here’s the real dong-buster. | A silly person.
A dishonest person. An ordinary person. |
| 2 | Michael: Tahani, I’ll get right to the CRUX of the matter. | The most important part.
The most unpleasant part. The most exciting part. |
| 3 | Michael: HELP YOURSELF. I’ve got plenty of those.
|
Take what you wish.
Don’t hesitate. Go on. |
| 4 | Michael: Janet, if you hand me a cactus, I swear I will LOSE MY MIND.
|
Go angry.
Get sick. Go insane. |
| 5 | Eleanor: Julie is my cousin’s daughter. Her mom is kind of a MESS, so… | A cruel person.
A person with problems. A very busy person. |
| 6 | Eleanor: How about I tell you more about those churro dogs. They came with unlimited ranch DRESSING. | Spices.
Napkins. A sauce. |
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