|1||ELEANOR: “You, Eleanor Shellstrop, are dead, and you’re in the Good Place,” I had no reason to think that was a mistake.|
|2||MICHAEL: No, Janet, this is actually a cactus. This might take a while.|
|3||MICHAEL: Question number one: Did you ever commit a serious crime, such as murder, sexual harassment, arson, or otherwise?|
|4||MICHAEL: And unless I can figure out a compelling reason to keep you here, you will spend eternity with murderers, and arsonists.|
|5||ELEANOR: Well, I say we call it a day. I mean, I nailed the questionnaire, and you’re swimming in cacti.*|
|6||ELEANOR: Can’t we just chalk this up to a hilarious mistake and move on?|
|7||TAHANI: As far as I’m concerned, the sooner she’s gone, the better off we’ll all be.*|
|8||MICHAEL: I need to understand every facet of this disaster. Tell me a lie about yourself.|
|9||MICHAEL: But Eleanor, in the Good Place, there’s no room for bad people or bad actions, so anyone involved in the murder of Janet will be reviewed and judged.|
|1||Eleanor: Then he’ll figure out that Jianyu’s also a PHONY, and, here’s the real dong-buster.||A silly person.
A dishonest person.
An ordinary person.
|2||Michael: Tahani, I’ll get right to the CRUX of the matter.||The most important part.
The most unpleasant part.
The most exciting part.
|3||Michael: HELP YOURSELF. I’ve got plenty of those.
|Take what you wish.
|4||Michael: Janet, if you hand me a cactus, I swear I will LOSE MY MIND.
|5||Eleanor: Julie is my cousin’s daughter. Her mom is kind of a MESS, so…||A cruel person.
A person with problems.
A very busy person.
|6||Eleanor: How about I tell you more about those churro dogs. They came with unlimited ranch DRESSING.||Spices.