PART I

 

 

1 ELEANOR: “You, Eleanor Shellstrop, are dead, and you’re in the Good Place,” I had no reason to think that was a mistake.
2 MICHAEL: No, Janet, this is actually a cactus. This might take a while.
3 MICHAEL: Question number one: Did you ever commit a serious crime, such as murder, sexual harassment, arson, or otherwise?
4 MICHAEL: And unless I can figure out a compelling reason to keep you here, you will spend eternity with murderers, and arsonists.
5 ELEANOR: Well, I say we call it a day. I mean, I nailed the questionnaire, and you’re swimming in cacti.*
6 ELEANOR: Can’t we just chalk this up to a hilarious mistake and move on?
7 TAHANI: As far as I’m concerned, the sooner she’s gone, the better off we’ll all be.*
8 MICHAEL: I need to understand every facet of this disaster. Tell me a lie about yourself.
9 MICHAEL: But Eleanor, in the Good Place, there’s no room for bad people or bad actions, so anyone involved in the murder of Janet will be reviewed and judged.

 

PART II

 

1 Eleanor: Then he’ll figure out that Jianyu’s also a PHONY, and, here’s the real dong-buster. A silly person.

A dishonest person.

An ordinary person.

2 Michael: Tahani, I’ll get right to the CRUX of the matter. The most important part.

The most unpleasant part.

The most exciting part.

3 Michael: HELP YOURSELF. I’ve got plenty of those.

 

Take what you wish.

Don’t hesitate.

Go on.

4 Michael: Janet, if you hand me a cactus, I swear I will LOSE MY MIND.

 

Go angry.

Get sick.

Go insane.

5 Eleanor: Julie is my cousin’s daughter. Her mom is kind of a MESS, so… A cruel person.

A person with problems.

A very busy person.

6 Eleanor: How about I tell you more about those churro dogs. They came with unlimited ranch DRESSING. Spices.

Napkins.

A sauce.

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